Bike sheds and urinal ettiquette

I noticed something today, something that I had previously ignored, on locking up my practical (in every sense except cost-effective) bicycle this morning in the bike shed provided by my place of work. When I entered the enclosure (see diagram 1 below), I realised that nearly every other bike hoop had been taken, so I started thinking about which space it would be most proper to appropriate for myself. Normally, at 8.15am this is a mere formality, as I park in a nearly empty bike shed at the far end, directly underneath the security camera. Today, I'd dropped off le petit monstre at his nursery (that is not an euphemism for anything before you begin) and so was a few minutes later than is usual, hence the rather replete shed. What am I doing? I thought to myself, this is not a toilet, just take the first space available.

Diagram 1. Our shed has a nifty half-pipe style roof. 
Great for nearly keeping the weather out, bad for 
bashing helmets there upon.

That's when it hit me: I was treating the bike shed just as I would a public lavatory.

Diagram 2. Room 0.18 - Winner of
"Most visited room in the building"
Category 2008 - 2011

Many moons ago, to take you on an unnecessary digression, I discussed public lavatory etiquette with a friend, often (in my head) referred to simply by his twitter moniker, wondergnome. We realised that there was an unwritten code, understood but seldom articulated, that governed just which urinal a gentleman should chose in a number of scenarios. For example and to refer to diagram 2 below, in the event that in a three urinal lavatory, all three urinals are empty, one would travel to the furthest convenience from the door (number 3), to allow the next person a feeling of personal space into which to step. Likewise, if the last urinal is occupied, one would naturally take the first urinal, to allow the same feeling of personal space and to limit the slightly inevitable inadvertent splash-back cross contamination. There are more, intuitively understood protocols, which I'm sure you will agree are universally present in the minds of the modern male. What fun, we joked, to produce a mock-serious book, perhaps a Christmas stocking filler-type gift title, full of these toiletry treasures, at which every man will nod sagely and every woman despair.


Needless to say, two Taureans, minds aflame with momentary passions, would never have made it past the inflammatory brain-storming stage and onto the smouldering planning and delivery bit. As most great ideas are, it was snuffed out by some more beer and fags and the passing of time.


However, when I realised that I was in fact adhering to urinal etiquette in the bike shed, I stopped and had a little giggle to myself. I also managed to resist the urge to take a piddle in the corner. Kudos old man, kudos.


Of course, I am not alone. A quick Google search found that The International Centre for Bathroom Etiquette and Bike Snob NYC have both already beaten me to the punch, convincingly so, it would seem.