In response, a rebuttal, from an apologist for the Liverpool Cause

I feel the need to raise the ugly spectre of my footballing allegiance this sunny Tuesday morning in response to some not unfounded criticism from an understandably long-suffering Jack, now into the fourth (or fifth?) day of waiting for the delivery of a little Jack, and also a Swansea City fan of some years. I say not unfounded but playing to an anti “Plastic Scouser”* crowd is just going for cheap laughs if you ask me.

So, a rebuttal it is.

In no particular order, let’s start with punditry. Like all those in the harsh media spot light, the best football pundits are the ones who are unequivocal about their opinions. It doesn’t matter if they’re right or wrong, as long as they invite comment and argument, otherwise what would be the point? An expert opinion is useful if one has to make a decision on something, but when the decision is out of your hands in the first place, the only use it serves is to make a prediction that can be debated endlessly for fun or to infuriate. Therefore, no value can be placed on the verisimilitude of opinion. Pundits are going to get things wrong around 50% of the time as they can only observe from the outside. However, the great wealth of former Liverpool players touting their opinion to the British public is telling. To be a little bit petulant, how many former Swansea players can you count on any program other than Sgorio or Jason Mohammed’s woeful sports updates on BBC Wales? Tosh and Jan Molby you might suggest, but as the realisation slowly dawns on you that they were both Liverpool legends (and rubbish managers) you may regret your rash answer. Lawro is a great pundit (moustache and dress sense nimbly sidestepped for now) with his deadpan “humour” and unshakeable certainty in the face of “Just a cog in a machine *lick* when I were at Newcastle *lick lick*” Shearer and his sit-on-the -fence-ability. Hansen is such a dick that he’s just fabulous to watch – even the missus loves to complain about his fake tan and concrete hair – and neither are too emotionally dependent on their time at Liverpool to give them a bit of a twat now and again. Compare to Lee “defend like that, you get punished” Dixon and Dion Shiny Forehead Dublin.

 - I rest my case.

 - You rest your case?

 -  What? I thought that was just a figure of speech. Case closed.

Let us now have a look at Liverpool 0 - 0 Swansea. If you come to Anfield as an theoretical underdog and play well, you should always be prepared to be ignored by the media in favour of a bias to depict how awfully Liverpool played. This is not Benitez-esque paranoia. Unless you’re Brian Reade or writing for the Liverpool Echo (except @Gary_Bainbridge - but wait, that's the Post, not the Echo) you will be looking for a way to highlight the decline of a former footballing giant for the benefit of your beer swilling, racist tweeting readership. I’m not saying that readers of the Mirror or the Echo are neither (good God I’m not saying that!) but that those swayed by the views of TalkSport, that newspaper we don’t mention and other tabloid toilet paper are usually either pro or very very anti. The curse of past glory one might say. One day, perhaps even Man City could be hated for all the trophies they won, rather than because they put stars on their badge to give it a more “continental” feel. Back to the game, and, not having watched it as football is now so far down the list of acceptable priorities that I can barely find the time to watch the re-run of MOTD on Sunday mornings, I have heard many things. The one that stuck out for me is that the crowd (home fans and visiting supporters alike) applauded Swansea from the pitch at full time. Forget the misses (I’m sure Monk will want to as much as Carroll) and the goals that should have been etc etc, and what you have is an entertaining game where two sides actually competed for 90 minutes, a fact acknowledged by a sophisticated audience at its deadlocked denouement. It is a shame that most papers won’t tell it like that, and I can certainly understand the frustrations of fans constantly underwhelmed by pundits who are out for big game trophies instead of marvelling at the plains grazers.

In “Most Improved Centre Back Ever” category is Ashley Williams. There are some very impressive Opta Stats coming out of the heart of the Swans defence, and from someone who occasionally watches professionals underperform on the international stage, I can honestly say I am delighted. I hear great things about Angel Rangel, Nathan Dyer, the rejuvenated Wayne Routledge, and in Michael Vorm – twice keeper of clean sheets against the ’Pool – there is a solidity about the side that is so pleasing. Compare with QPR and one can only see blue skies (and not Sky Blues) in the near future.

Is that okay with Swans fans for now? I can’t gush too much as I still have yet to see them play, either live or on the tele.

On to criticism of tactics, some dubious gesticulation by one Luis Alberto Suárez Díaz and of King Kenny himself. Okay, so we’re at home, why the hell aren’t we exploding at pace, driving forwards, attack-attack-attack-ing? Because we know what’s coming? The Swans love to sit on possession and play for 100% pass completion rates (in their own half). What better way to frustrate a passing side than to cram a load of young firecrackers into an already crowded midfield? Henderson, as my learned friend and also Jan Molby both point out, is not a winger. He is, however, a good prospect in the centre of the park, gathering experience of the way that Stevie is mucked about to fill gaps in order to fill the very menacing and near immediate gap that will be created by his eventual succumbing to injury in 2014. I have seen the future and it is niggly knee problems. Why not use Bellers or the redoubtable Kuyt (still waiting for EPL goal number 50 to join an elite list of Dutch maestros) instead? Possibly because we’re embedding youth. Bellers is a cracking impact player (which he won’t like to hear – and isn’t likely to from reading this particular blog - but it’s true) and Kuyt – well I’m not sure why we didn’t use Kuyt except that as a winger his end product is a bit suspect. I don’t have the answer and I don’t claim to be a pundit. Kenny knows what he’s doing. And he does know what he’s doing, I can assure you. Especially as he has Steve Clarke in the background making sure that the halo isn’t getting too tarnished. Kenny came back to fulfil his passion, not to ride on former glories. He’s signed good (yes, they are good) young players like Coates and Carroll (I dare you to tell me he’s not a good player – he’s not finished or as good as Torres was – for us anyway – but he’s better than Ngog) and our midfield is now better equipped for the passing of current legends than it ever has been.  He’s made good on the promises of John Henry in that there is a re-connect to what was good about the club and the community feels more engaged than at any time in the last 20 odd years since he went away (and probably since before then), and frankly, he’s funnier and a better figurehead for the club than ever before. Nostalgia? No, you should watch his press conferences. Move over SAF.

One other thing about Kenny – Swans fans please don’t forget that your man, Brendan Rodgers, fucking loves him. Criticism of Kenny is implied criticism of Mr Rodgers by association. Yes it is. Is is is is IS!

And Suarez – don’t forget he’s not only South American, but also only 24, and likely to be subject to some minor frustration-related toy-chucking. Par contre, he single-handedly fucked a sub-par Chile side with four goals to bring his international goals rate past 1 in 2. I can forgive him the odd histrionic gesture if you can.

Lastly, the old gripe about big clubs etc yaddah yaddah. Footballing success tends to breed financial success. Forest and Leeds were successful but unwise, financially, hence their current lowly berth in the football leagues (although Leeds are picking up again, and Forest** could be a dark horse for a mid table slot). Leeds particularly tried to spend their way out of trouble, or rather, to keep potential trouble at bay, but got the sums wrong or something more sinister. If you don’t have an oligarch in the cupboard, this is never going to work. Liverpool have 18 league titles, admittedly none in the past 20 or so, but have also won the European Cup five times, and by virtue of exposure generated by this, have fans across the world. That’s pretty big if you ask me. I can’t remember the last time they weren’t in the top flight. That’s big time, don’t you agree? All three clubs have a “big” history, so why can’t they be called big clubs? Swansea have been around a long time, fine, but not at this level (or even in this country’s league) and have won, pardon the pun, jack shit***. That they’re here is truly wonderful, and long may it continue, but you can’t celebrate past glories if you have neither past nor glory.

In conclusion, firstly thanks for sticking with it. Your patience truly knows no bounds. Secondly, I don’t intend to annoy or upset Swansea fans but will undoubtedly have done so. Tough titty. And lastly, I do feel strongly about things, sometimes, so don’t be surprised if it sometimes leaks out.

That was cathartic. And probably pyrrhic, but then who cares.

* Plastic Scouser – I once tried to assert that to be one meant to possess a Scouse accent – I have since found out that you need only pretend to have a Scouse accent to qualify. The Urban Dictionary has an interesting take on the matter, as does Dave Twentyman via the Liverpool Echo.

** For an entertaining ad hoc celebration of all things Forest, have a gander at Government Yard’s useful one-stop reference here.

*** Please note that the Football League Trophy (Swansea were winners in both 1994 & 2006) is more tin-pot that Houllier’s 5 tin-pot trophy haul back in 2000-and-who-cares.